..:le jardin de l'amour:..

2006-02-01T18:10:00.000-08:00

I AM GETTING RID OF THIS BLOG!

Ripples

2006-02-01T17:53:00.000-08:00

Imagine, just one drop of water and the ripples that follow.
Such chaos and destructions.
Such affect on man.
One action, multiple consequences.
Just one drop, and ripples.

insiders joke

2006-01-31T21:20:00.000-08:00

Dear Ee,

I would like to comfort you but you went off so fast! How was I going to say that it's alright, you're not that fat.... yet! ahhahahaha...

So sorry ee, I would try to type a reply on MSN faster next time. If you do see this, don't kill me!

nyeahahhaha

nicky

2006-01-29T02:09:00.000-08:00

Change

DeviantArt development

2006-01-27T07:13:00.000-08:00

My DeviantArt page is showcasing the latest talent of Joanne Lee during her trip to
Vietnam in 2006.

Check it out.

random quotes

2006-01-20T03:57:00.000-08:00

".. from where I stand, life is far from perfect.
but from where I stand, life is just great."

quoted

2006-01-20T03:36:00.000-08:00

Lying in quiet comtemplation
Awaiting the first tint of dawn
While thoughts wind in and out
And breaths high and fall
then this came to mind

Such streaks of green
Loveliest hint of blues
Lush landscapes of bright orange
And there stood you

Such peace that I felt
Tinge of fear but abundance joy
Loveliest feelings of warmth and chills

But then awake I find
Snapped away and abrupt
All that's left, only the cold winds

But in love's confusion,
And picturesque details
There be you lying
Right next to me

All credits goes to the photographer of this shot.

whisper

2006-01-18T04:42:00.000-08:00

Whispering..
Life's greatest choices is a whisper
Like the wind that whistles through the trees
Like small crackling fires that blaze
Life is but a silent whisper

Every waking day spent hard
To silence, to still, to capture,
Nothing but an eternal breath
Nothing but a tiny whisper

Sometimes moments comes and goes
Seasons' changes like the east wind
Fires dies but through ages of time
Quiet whispers remains

I see life's biggest challenge
and love's smallest mundane idle-hours
in one complete moment
but never without a silent whisper before

Lifequotes #1

2006-01-11T07:11:00.000-08:00

Ladies and Gents.
The following lifequotes are quote from this blog.

"Life's supposed to be a spontaneous thing which happens in those moments between our breaths"

*Explains exactly the meaning of true living doesn't it?*

If it were

2006-01-10T02:59:00.000-08:00

If it were...

If only it were yester-nights.
If only we were once like before.
To share our passion with hearts.
Till the birds of dawn comes singing.
I still remember thus nights after nights.
Seemingly how we seemed to tell each other,
things of our lives, the moon, the stars.
The sky and sea, every animal and living breath that we share.
Seemingly how two hearts who expected nothing, had nothing to gain,
Had mountains and glories in return.
Do you remember those times? I remembered them well.

I miss those simple nights and the talks that we had.
The time we spared for each other to reveal our inner secrets.
Every reason for living, every fear and streaks of doubts.
Every little rhymes and peaks of our daily lives.
Every minute detail chartered and altered,
told a million times.

p/s .. something that I wrote a long long time ago... anyway more emo stuff..for those with sensitive eyes... ahha beware*

Excerpt of spoken truth

2006-01-09T09:06:00.000-08:00

Of all the things
I wish for you,
I would give anything
if these wishes could
always come true....

I want you to be happy.
I want you to fill your heart
with feelings of wonder and
to be full of courage and hope.
I want you to have the type of
friendship that is a trasure~ and the kind
of love that is beautiful forever.

I wish you the insight to see
your inner and outer beauty.
I want you to have millions of moments
when you find satisfaction in the things you do
so wonderfully.

Of all the things I'll be
wishing for, wherever you are
and whatever I may do,
there will never be a day in my life when
I won't be wishing the best
for you....

~ Conversation of my heart to the soul~

Moments

2006-01-09T06:34:00.000-08:00

Go back to a time and remember all that was good before

Really powerful quote. I could finally remember those that was good before. I remember exactly what made me jump with excitement and I could remember what gave me the thrills.
Those happy moments...

2006-01-07T18:31:00.000-08:00

maturity does not constitute the death of childish happyness

No man is an island.

2006-01-02T07:35:00.000-08:00

It has just dawned upon me that "no man is an island". But the darker truth is that "no other man's-friend is able to tell you what to do next".

I'll expound on that.

Sometimes in this life, I feel stark naked alone. I feel like I haven't really got anyone. In general sense, I am quite the island. But even if I am not quite the island that I am, no man's-friend is able to guide me through this 'thing' we all call life. Too unpredictable.

What happens to you when you found out that you're not quite all you are to be. You try your best in life and yet the best that you can do, just isn't quite good enough for everyone else. No, I'm not talking about turning into a people pleaser, but you know how it is to please someone that you really like.

Hmm.. perhaps I have started to think too much. I realised that even not being an island doesn't guarantee you a smooth life with lifesaver's jacket. Sometimes you sink and sometimes you swim.

This is not another journey I can take alone anymore. I've been down those roads before, and I no longer could walk under my own weight. I need someone else who knows me better than I do myself to just pick me up once more.

I need answers to questions that I don't have. I need God's guidance.

Too tired of thinking and speculating. Even more lethargic in common sense thinking and questioning.

Lord, help me out and send me a signal for your son on earth is as clueless as he could be. No longer does he wish to bump around his head in the darkness with all this. A little point in the right direction would be well needed and much prayed about. Your guidance and love is needed much in my life.

In Jesus Name I pray, AMEN.

Obsessed

2006-01-01T21:02:00.000-08:00

I think I ought to stop meddling around photos. Been so wrapped up in editting this few days. I guess I'm just that kinda person. Once I start something, I need to either perfect it or just end it in some way. Otherwise I'd end up without much sleep trying to figure out what to do.

I need to figure out how to do boxing and framing using Photoshop for my piccies. I bet they'd look a whole lot nicer if I knew how to do that.

Note to self: Remember to upload the barrel of fonts on the cd borrowed by Mark.

Deviant Art Promotion

2006-01-01T00:41:00.000-08:00

It's been quite a week so far. I spend it just sleeping and pigging out. Oh no.. I can see my own guts spilling over my jeans.

On Thursday I ended up in Colmar Tropicale, Bukit Tinggi. Just decided to drive up there and have a look around what's the attraction that everyone's raving about. The place was quite gorgeous with the French town designs and the lovely Japanese Garden. Ahh.. it's a wonder what a little get away like that can do to your soul.

So relaxing..

Visit myDeviant Art page for the photos.

Strange Ethereal Photos

2005-12-28T03:15:00.000-08:00

Ever knew what photos are meant to do to you?

They could remind you of specific incidents and events that occurred in your life. Specific feelings and genuinity that you may have forgotten and time had erased. Some photos have the power to heal, some photos reminds you of your infidelities while others just shares it's eternal vibes with you through the ages.

Parents can be reminded of their first born's moment of discovery. A pair of lovers can be whisked back to the time when they shared their first loving intimate moment together. Memories of loved ones, regretted ones, sad ones and lost ones, all captured and immortalised in a single moment of flash on a thin strip of film.

Today I browsed through some of my old photograph that I took earlier in the years and I realised there were a series of photos that reminds me of a particular time. They had an effect on me. A healing and protective sort of effect. Funny how things works in this world....

Le Jardin

Hm....

2005-12-23T08:02:00.000-08:00

Pretty uneventful day. Managed to get some of my shopping done today. It's been a while since last Christmas.

During dinner, I ended up in WanChin's house for guest night with the YA people and was supposed to hop over to Bantus with her but ended up going alone. Then in the end came home early.

Editted: removed section post resulting out of inappropriate rantings.

Doubtful Hearted

2005-12-09T03:24:00.000-08:00

For the doubtful in heart:

" It is the great aim of every human being to understand
the meaning of total love. Love is not to be found in someone else,
but in ourselves; we simply awaken it.
But in order to do that, we need the other person.
The universe only makes sense when we have someone

to share our feelings with..."

~Paulo Coelho~
Eleven Minutes

2005-12-08T07:01:00.000-08:00

Such distance that I am facing
Such empty space
In so I wish
I was doing those silly mundane things

Simply fetching you around
Having light dinners
Singing showtunes in cars
Does seems a bliss

Now that you're gone,
Once again I'll wait
Til' there's those little silly mundane things
That I can do again..

Damn.. I miss you....

We Will Dance

2005-12-07T06:45:00.000-08:00

Life is full of uncertainties isn't it? I mean just that single catchphrase, you say it to any person strolling the streets and I bet you that they'll agree. I mean there's just no control to life is there?

You just don't understand how sometimes, some things works out and some things doesn't.

Why some poor bloke who's so madly in love with his girl and things just doesn't work out the way they should be ideally.

Why a 30 year old man and father of 2 child just jumps off the building of which he has built his career upon for the last 10 years.

Why just when you thought that all else fails and hope seems like a blip, things just seems to come around better.

There's just no control to life is there?

The way I see it, if you have the chance, just do the things that you'd most likely do, like it is the last days of your very life. There's no time for regrets and definitely no time to be missing out on the greatest adventure of your life.

As for myself, I am not going to give up. One of these days, I'm going to be dancing with someone for a good long time to come. Through weakness and joys, I will dance with her thru tears and smiles.

We will Dance...

I've watched the sunrise in your eyes
And I've seen the tears fall like the rain
You've seen me fight so brave and strong
You've held my hand when I'm afraid

We've watched the seasons come and go
We'll see them come and go again
But in winter's chill, or summer's breeze
One thing will not be changin'

CHORUS:
We will dance
When the sun is shining
In the pouring rain
We'll spin and we'll sway
And we will dance
When the gentle breeze
Becomes a hurricane
The music will play
And I'll take your hand
And hold you close to me
And we will dance

Sometimes it's hard to hold you tight
Sometimes we feel so far apart
Sometimes we dance as one
And feel the beating of each others hearts

Some days the dance is slow and sweet
Some days we're bouncing off the walls
No matter how this world may turn
Our love will keep us from fallin'

CHORUS

The music will play
And I'll hold you close
And I won't let you go
Even when our steps
Grow weak and slow
Still I'll take your hand
And hold you close to me
And we, will dance

*credits to Huei Weun for the song lyrics and Steven Curtis Chapman for singing this beautiful tune*

La couer a ses raisons que la raison ne connaît pas

2005-11-29T06:13:00.000-08:00

Just some good thoughts blogged now. It's been a while I've been this way. It's been a while since the last adventure that I have. I have many doubts and question running through my mind. One of the biggest would definitely have to be " Would I have regretted later in life if I did not do something despite having that opportunity presented."

I have been an advocator of doing things without regrets, the only regrets I have would be to lose to my fears and not do the things that I should have done. I am still thinking my question. All my Shoulda, Woulda, Couldas!

I guess there's nothing much to it. I love life and I will not go on lenghts to suffer regretting not doing something and giving up just like that. Life needs to go on. Love needs a new heart. Reasons need not be logic.

"The Heart has reasons that Reasons knows not Of"

Floating Quotes

2005-11-10T03:30:00.000-08:00

"Love her today,
Find 100 ways"

"If you need her so much more,

Why don't you say it?"

If it's one more star she wants,

go all the way!

"In your arms tonight she'll reflect,
That she owes you the sweetest of debts."

"Take the time to open up your heart,
that's the secret of romance"

2005-11-08T08:16:00.000-08:00

Just an ordinary day
Started out the same old way
Then I looked into your eyes and knew
Today would be a first for me
The day I fall in love

On the day I fall in love
Sky will be a perfect blue
And i'll give my heart forever more
To someone who is just like you 
The day I fall in love

People all say love is wonderful
That the bells will ring
The birds will sing
The skies will open
I wonder where's that great big symphony
Roll over Beethoven
Won't you play with me

And I'll never promise to be true to anyone
Unless it's you
Unless it's you
The day I fall in love

Just an ordinary day
Started out the same old way
Then I looked into your eyes and knew
Today would be
A first for me, a first for me
The day I fall in love
I know you'll be there
Ooh... I know
The day I fall in love

2005-11-04T02:08:00.000-08:00

Words escapes my mind as soon as I hit the keys of this board. Nothing clear comes through except muddled puddles of mixed-up transactions of dreams, reality and fears.

Questions floats like pieces of wood does on an empty lake.

"Am I getting way beyond my head?"

"Did I put out more than I can bargain for?"

"Are these questions even relevant for my current state of mind?

"Where's the love, trust and the confidence?"

"What happened along the way"

"Why then do I still think otherwise, if what's said and what's felt totally do not connect?"

Really, I don't understand to some extent, accepted to some extent, enjoy some extent, love some extent.

And of course the Golden Question here is always,

"How in the world did Jesus Chist did it for the world in what I couldn't even pull off without hitches for a single person?"

Keep things simple and nice as they would always be.

Just simple.

I have no means to articulate what I feel, or what I had been thinking/dreaming/sleeping/restingmymind for the past 3 hours. Neither does my emotion comes to a rest at all. It's just a big pool of swirling hot chocolate.

Inconclusive.

Floppishly Fwuzzed!

2005-10-30T02:58:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I don't get you.

I wish I did seemingly that I had lived a lifetime with you, but you confuse me.

Sometimes I wish you'd knew how much you meant to me, that by the simplest things that you do is like a shining light to me.

A simple Rockport shoe is all I need to know that you thought of me.

It wasn't the shoe that mattered, but just you thinking of me back here that just warms my heart.

Just wished sometimes, you'd think a little more before you say anything.

Like selling my shoe just because it doesn't fit. Sigh.

It's not the shoe that matters, but the whole meaning behind the shoe that grabs me.

That you love me and you treasured me.

I'm satisfied. Just satisfied you cared... Mewww**

About the Rumba

2005-10-28T07:12:00.000-07:00

The rumba is a vertical expression of a horizontal wish.
You have to hold her like the skin on her side is your reason for living.
Let her go like your heart's been ripped from your chest.
Pull her back like you're going to have your way with her,
right here on the dancefloor.
Finish it like she has ruined you for life!

Random Quotes from Movies #1

2005-10-28T06:59:00.000-07:00

Common scene : Crowded English Bar
Characters : Mr Devine and Mrs Clark
Movie Title : Shall We Dance

"Mr. Divine, why is it do you think people get married?"

"Passion?" answered Devine.

Shakes head. "No" replied Mrs Clark.

"That is strange. I would have taken you for a romantic."
"Why then?" questioned Devine.

With a striking gaze she said "Because we need a witness to our lives."

"There's a billion people on this planet, what does any one life really means? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything!"

"The good things."
"The bad things."
"The terrible things and the mundane things."

"All of it, all the time, everyday. "
"You're saying, your life wouldn't go unnoticed, because I will notice it. Your life would not go unwitness, because I will witness it."

2005-10-28T03:44:00.000-07:00

It's definitely one of those days, when I feel displaced and I spotted a double decker bus in KL city. I am going to find out where they pick up people and will go on a bus ride, just like the good old days in SG.

Am going for capoeira later, hate moody fridays. Don't know what's wrong with me, just feeling a little displaced and unsure. Quite uncertain about things and the best thing is I don't know what I'm not sure about...

Weird...

One day... I shall see beyond that glass at me...

2005-10-27T08:37:00.000-07:00

Through the glass I see,
My own reflection of what's to be,
The opportunities and the glory,
Yet through the glass I see.

How, why and when couldn't be determined,
Patience and waiting is the game,
Should that be me on the other side
Then patience and wait I shall tame.

Only so far could I do for now,
And so far to see,
For only one smile to appear,
Only through the glass to an alternate 'me'

One fine day I will be,
Through that glass is me,
Watching that smile is she,
And never through that glass will I be.

One day.... I shall see beyond that glass at me.....

WHy?!

2005-10-27T06:17:00.000-07:00

Why!
I have pitched hard at life,
Noticing every eyes,
Yet not one was spared from me.

Why!
I have kept my mouth shut,
I have swored silence,
Yet I've been caught.

Why!
In life's trespasses I surmised,
Only troubles brewing,
Yet only misery I foresee.

Only one that I want,
To do the things I do best,
In silence and in quietness,
Ignore me for it is my bliss.

It is... I think...Now I'm not sure....

Anna and Paul

2005-10-20T08:43:00.000-07:00

"Will you marry me?" he asked.

"Only on one condition would I marry you", Anna replied.

"Anything, I'll agree to any conditions that you ask of me but I cannot bear the sight of losing you."

"Wait..This wouldn't be your ordinary request so listen first before you answer to it. I have 4 acres of land and it is big enough for us both. I shall have a house built for you opposite of mine and you and I will never stay in one house. Instead, we may occasionally see each other when we tend the gardens, or may eventually see each other when we walk the beautiful meadows. I might even invite you for tea on my porch and you could do the same for me, but never will we ever share a house." Anna explained.

"Then what good is there to be married?!" retort Paul.

"So that we don't lose that passion in our heart. So that we would always find each other again. That you and I will continue to discover something new to share together in building our worlds with the winds dancing between us."

Paul said " ....."

Love exist mainly in our hearts and not in the actions that we do or the proclaimation of our desires, but just the simple act of relating to one another, sharing the good and bad of our worlds and loving each other for what they are in existence. Distant and depth has no measurements in love.

What is this?

2005-10-19T07:54:00.000-07:00

What is this?
Seems like an expression of slow ripples.
Droplets penetrating the surface.
Ripples formed and yet not holed.
Stretched and joined, but no tear.
How exciting and new.

What is this?
Feels brand new yet,
Tastes stale and tried.
Smells like yoghurt on a sunny day.
Just like sun-dried fish hanging on my porch.

What is this?
Can't figure it out.
Like a timepiece, patiently winding.
Like the hours continously flowing.
Why aren't there stops, intervals?
Why the continuiation?
Why can't it give up?

What is this?

Truly... was I?

2005-10-19T07:45:00.000-07:00

I've been here.
I truly have.
I've seen the shapes and the shadows.
casting and waning by the moonlight.

I've smelt this before.
I've heard this commotion.
The scent and scene.
All too familiar.

This road, this trip,
Such significance in me.
Reminds me, a path someone else took before me.
Reminded me what happened.

So familiar, so queer yet exciting.
At last I'm travelling this journey.
At least I was prepared,
But was 'I', truly?

Truly... was I?

2005-10-17T16:19:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I do duly wonder if I have been looking up the wrong tree, searching for the different stone and swimming up river. Seems hard and tough. Sometimes looks right, and sometimes well.. it just doesn't look like it. Just wonders what goes on in that wheel of thought.

Perhaps the timing to spear and catch the fish hasn't come to a seasonal release. Or maybe that fish has never arrived to shore.

Bahh... feeling melancholic. Shits.

Smile

2005-10-16T04:03:00.000-07:00

I just realised that in order to make someone smile, you have got to go to lengths to get that. For that fact, that smile will not be lasting more than a moment, but it's a smile to remember.

So it's always nicer to make smiles than cries.
Hope ya'll smile more!

It was an awesome night out.

2005-10-09T00:24:00.000-07:00

Reasons.
Non-existance.
Mirage.
Bountiful Illusions.

Seizure.
Malardy.
Uncertain Disposition.
Hope.

Left leaving to live.
Controlled will.
Contesting feel.
Tired zeal.

Time wishing.
Age return young.
Not gonna happen.
Makes no sense.

Live on live out.
Live life no doubt.
One share one chance.
Blow that, there's none.

Enjoy.
Live.
Forget.
No regret.

Didn't feel much like blogging, so came up with this rubbish. I think I am going to invest very soon in a camera and turn this site into photo holding site.
In the mean time, lets all suffer from the confusion of my writtings and babbles.
Nyeks haha.

My beady Eyes

2005-09-28T04:12:00.000-07:00

From the eyes of my soul I see this world as it is drawn.
For both miracles and devastation, these eyes discern neither good nor bad.
These eyes sees the beauty of spring, and feel the warmth glow of magdelaine flowers beaming reflections of the sun.
Come autumn and the window of my soul seeks it's melancholic revelations and thus the poor old beating heart tears for glooms of Mother Nature's shedding fears.
Summer and Autumn shows two cycles of extreme balance. Both neither adding nor negating each other but harmonized on both opposite of one complete circle.

Once more, these eyes takes pleasure in simple miracles of life.
One simple kiss from one lover to another, at the moment of contact, that moment of peak exploding emotions, comes two lips conjoined in one blast of beatific momentum.
Such loving disparation, only reveals intensity from two loving hearts made one.
Regards to a mother's heart and her daughters life.
How maternal instincts finds it's roots in all child-bearing mothers directed by natures law.
Such magnificent arts can only be the work of God Almighty.

Though at such beauty that my eyes reveals to teach my soul, yet I see sadness reeking from an orphan's yearning eyes.
Ugly truth and wanton lies consumes the centre of a beastly man.
Such ghastly sight revokes my consuming anger.
That it shouldn't be the child-orphan that I should view sadly, but the predecessors of her* generation that brought her such present predicament.

As such my tiny beady eyes again discerns neither monstrosity anymore than the heavenly.
Only the pictures framed, that preceeds me fills my inner being with two ends of one extreme.
And one end of such extreme is always open for buoyant thoughts and feelings.

The End

Disclaimer:
This would be sheer rambling on my part that is very outwardly bored with my task at hand.

Random Love Quotes #1

2005-09-25T09:51:00.000-07:00

It is said, the best match would be the strength of a person to match the weakness of another

~Wedding Daze~

2005-09-21T09:49:00.000-07:00

It takes no more than a moment to see
all the love you'd ever see in someone's eyes
And all that love would amount to
Only one moment of eternity

It is but a blink of a second
The sight comes and goes
No one knows when it flows
Just one moment in time spent on eternity

Start looking at the eyes of your close ones
Look at the time when their eyes says the most
In one brink of a horizon breaking
There goes the loveliest sight to bestow

Young Mabel and Farmer John

2005-09-20T04:51:00.000-07:00

On a distant land,
Of forlorn sighs and downcast smiles
Hereto comes a story of Young Mabel
And hitherto, Straightback Farmer John.

Midsummers wind blew hard
Autumn leaves flying over Wyn's bridge
Two young couple met
Eyes gazed abright

Never had each seen such tense
Young Mabel shy at heart
Straightback John walks a wayward path
Both crossed and didn't speak

Comes keen the next day,
Both younglings met for twice
And destiny saw fate
Comes as Young Mabel and Farmer John.

Inseparable were their days
Innumberable were their passion
Countless words presented on silvers
More desires on gold platters

Every met with gaze of blaze
Fires in their eyes and burning coals for heart
Held each other till the coming warmth
Warding winters days forlorn

Then come the Springs of yonder
Young Mabel frozed over
Passed on to beyond
Leaving John with her love and passion

Straightback John left his home
Holding to that piece of ribbon
Young Mabel presented on a first count
To reminisce the days they were found

Never in life, never in grave
Never gave up holding, guarding, seeking
For Young Mabel's sweet smile
And loving eyes.

In a land of sorrows and void of love,
John and Mabel came to savored bitters
Thru separation did they find
Through lost did they pass

~The person you love the most is the person you miss in their absence and that longing in your heart tells you apart~

2005-09-17T22:00:00.000-07:00

Through my eyes I see this world as it should be
Both beautiful and hideous alike
Things of disastrous proportion
and kindness shown in deep despair

I wondered in deep thoughts were I to be involve
Would it meant that I am loving the situation
Or would that I meant to have just done it for duty sake
Or in worst, would I have done it to gain from this

To which moral standard that I held?
To what values that I disciple myself to?
Or simply, do I choose to ignore.
To pass and to go

I wonder

2005-09-15T16:23:00.000-07:00

Morning shines and lovely breathe of air
Walking slowly, gently and humbly
I crouched and smell the garden that I planted
Feeling the bloom of flowers and the fruits of my labor
Passing my love's desire to tend and care unto them
May they bloom many more aeons to come
May their hearts be filled and their roots firmly grounded
That this stench of foul manure never reach
the nose of my beloved..

Have you ever been in love

2005-09-14T09:02:00.000-07:00

In the morning light
Half awake and half asleep
Have you ever layed there thinking
Was it all a dream?
But you reach out and she's there
Every moment, everywhere
Have you ever been in love?

Have you ever felt
How far a heart can fall
Have you ever stayed up waiting
For a telephone call
Just to hear her say hello
Cause you miss each other so
Have you ever been in love?

Chorus:
Have there been times to laugh
And times you really wanna cry
Finding reasons to believe her
Cause you'd die a little if she lied
And when in times of doubt
Have you ever tried to work it out
But still she leaves you wondering
What it's all about

And when she's far away
Have you ever felt the need to stray
And tried and then discovered
It just doesn't pay
Cause with her you can be true
And with her you can be you
Have you ever been in love?

Chorus

And when the night comes down
Can you call your house a home
Do you dream you're still together
And wake up alone
Have you ever been in love
The way that I'm in love
Have you ever been in love?

Just a song by Peter Cetera. I think romantics would understand this song perfectly
and the scenes given. It's a nice song. I like it.

2005-09-14T08:19:00.000-07:00

I see people whom faces I have not met
I taste food and wine of food I have not eaten
I feel the fabrics of worlds around me wrapping;
itself tight yet I have not experience it before
Strange new sensation corrupts my mind
Confuses my five senses
Leaving me dazed and flustered
It would have seemed that everything has been real
That the things I see, and sensations felt
Would have defined the boundaries that I see and know
Everytime I move a step, thin threadings that holds this new world;
changes it's form; marking new stitches; forming new lines
Nothing is constant but the changes I see
Even the hunger that I feel is a constant shift
Oh but wait, someone's knocking at this door
*poof*
Ah but this world now collapse, reality sinks in.
I am in my world now, that was just a dream
Just a web of threads leading to a constant change of scenes
I'm home and at peace

Promises.. death to mind..

2005-08-20T08:45:00.000-07:00

Ever thought of the time that you held on to your promises that you made so tightly that it actually causes you pain but you somehow know that the pain is temporal and will save you from a bigger pain?

Well, I guess I'm proud to say that I've held on to my promise.
A promise I made to myself to save me from the plentiful of heartaches that'll fall on me.
Yet surprisingly, this promise also cost me a fair bit to hold on to. I guess I really wanted to do something right. Sorry for confusions.

People dont usually get me at all, but then again sometimes I don't get 'me' too.

It is now 4.15 am and I have just concluded talking to someone. Sometimes it's bloody uncanny to think that you know a person to be so different and when shared in actual discussions almost seem to mimic your life.

It's creepy indeed.

Things I believe would clear and begone, but for now, I must rest and I must get my mind fixated on what's the right thing to do and keep doing it. I ain't perfect but I am someone.

Wonderful journey across the rainbow and for those who get my meanings, memories are best kept stored and reminisced. Live life no regrets.

Ma vie est magnifique.
La vie vivante avec bonheur.
C'est la vie que je vis.
Je suis rempli.

Pancakes Delusion

2005-08-19T21:30:00.000-07:00

I've resolute

Therefore I am what I am today
I've decided
Therefore my future is finalized
I've prayed
Therefore my hope's affirmed

To put it all together.

I resolute to be what I am today by deciding for the future and pray so that my hope's affirmed.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

I've got too much nonsense on my hand. I'm just going to shower and eat my flipping jacks...

Feminity Persona vs Masculine Ego

2005-08-14T05:30:00.000-07:00

Just the other day, I had a good talk with Grace about female feminine identity crisis. We were talking about how girls are sometimes more male oriented in exterior but they really aren't different from other feminine girls. They just need to be guided in the right direction.

Grace brought up a very interesting point that most guys have not noticed, and that is women are most certainly not born with a feminine touch. They learn through the years. It does help when you have a super hot mom to guide your ladylike conducts through the years but most of them just settle into what they can identify the best and that is the male persona that they witness in every one of the opposite sex gender around them.

Someone once told me that it took her at least 18 years since her birth before she actually put on and bought her first piece of skirt. Its just that ladies, always love to be reminded how nice they look in a dress or skirt. They need as much encouragement as a guy who looks nice wearing his Armani suit.

So guys, if you ever see a girl with skirt or a dress, dont' be crass and do a cat call. Just a simple compliment would do. It goes a long way to reaffirm ladies that they do look good with dresses and skirts.

This post is dedicated to Grace. Ngeks*

Deceiving nature of a Boy

2005-08-08T20:07:00.000-07:00

I've revisited my friendster page only to find something pleasant from Justin. Nice testimonial Justin. Thanks!

There I go on, reading the entire chapters and years of testimonial that I've gather since the day I joined friendster. All of them were good apraisals which kinda makes me wonder, is that the entire honest truth or will that be only a fraction of what people see of me. Maybe I am too wicked and good at deceiving.. hmm...evil laugh*

Anyway would be only my way out to lunch with Justin and Tsuen. Next time I've got to hammer him up earlier to boil his mother's soup. Ok that sounded soooo wrong for some reason.

Emo Charged Post

2005-08-08T07:28:00.000-07:00

Every petal of existence
Marks the passing minute
Counting days and weeks
Till it tears me apart
Like a love-scorned lover
Picking precious petals
Counting the ways that He loved her

Denying that He'll never see her.

Justin this is all your fault. Why la did you make me so emo today that I have to write stupid poems like this.. Bahhh... Slash*

2005-08-07T11:03:00.000-07:00

Now, an awfully good question would be this, why are we all craving for something more when we are already having more than we could handle.

We may be rich and loaded with cash, but have you ever realised, even with all those, its never enough. We always need to have more. Why is that?

Hmm....

Anyway was out almost the whole day. Despite sleeping late last night after a horror films night with Wai, Tsuen, Yuih and Justin watching Shutter and pacified ourselves with Sepet after that, I still woke up for church. Proud of myself.

Had a whole day out. Lunch at Esquire Kitchen was always pleasant but I did think that it was a little pricey for the value of the food. Oh well, people's got to make a living.

Anyway, am going to bed after a nighttime reading of John Grisham best seller.

Weirdo Love Rash

2005-08-04T04:04:00.000-07:00

I do think that I may have caught a whiff of Raymond's herpes from the past. What's worst still is this funghi infection is on my left thigh. It's all discolored and grey looking . Hmm... not looking good at all. Creams arent' working either. There's little bump and little growth along the skin. Really gross.

It's either that or my addiction to coke finally did me in. Finally killed my bladder and I've got diabetes. In either case, I blame my itchy hands for scratching it and it doesn't seem to be healing now. That's not a good news either.

On brighter note, could be some damsel who was thinking about me and this is all some sort of "love rash." Nah!! Who am I kidding. Sheesh. Love Rash. Haha... Oh well That's hopeful still.

Will be going out with Ik and Cheryl and of course Yanwei. Hmm...

Round and round we go
Where we land I do not know
But if there's a chance then I'd be bold
To utter words from my mouth that flows.

Words would always be words,
Time beckons and urgent departs
Wish for life to start
Tis be good when we finally part

tsuen crippled my left arm...sob sob

2005-08-02T05:13:00.000-07:00

poor old me. sob sob. tsuen happened to whack and crippled my left arm, she also maimed raymond's beautiful face..

come let me tell you what happened.

We were out on our way to lunch when tsuen suddenly made a whole ruckus about something disgusting. Since she's sitting at the back, I asked her what happened and she said cockroach...OMG!! Cockroach in my car?! Bad news. Wonders where it came from. I certainly didn't keep cookies or chocolates in my car now, did I?

Anyway finally we found the little monster that terrorised her. All this while in the meantime, my arms was crippled and mutilated from several beatings from her and poor ray got the scratching of his lifetime.

AHaha, howeever after a game of dota, all I cool. :P

Opportunities

2005-08-01T09:41:00.000-07:00

Feeling so weighted. Sometimes I wonder, about my purpose. I do seriously wonder am I supposed to see life this way.

I really wonder as well what's God intending for me to do with the carrots that dangles in front of my face all these while. I see so much potential and yet there's nothing I could do. There's so much that I wish I could very well touch it, but yet, and yet again there's much circumstances telling me otherwise.

Sigh, it's a sad sad day. Life no doubt is God's design and therefore I shall ask God what to do. He'll know what to do in a jiffy.

Lord,

If this is your will, provide me the means and open my eyes to the unseen. Then finally, let your will be done.

Amen,
Nick

Such poetic enigma

2005-08-01T03:05:00.000-07:00

I see thoughts and dreams,
Traverse across my mind.

Born a secret told to no man,
Both alive or dead.

Such intentions held fast and buried young.
That should so one person to try,
Tens would cry before I spiel.
To death it shall follow.

Through knightly counsel I seek,
Of both women and men,
Yet I see no straight path before me,
No route I ought to examine.

Then I must against all odds,
A choice to make and take.
That I shall for now and for the least,
Til this wanes by , does it go with me.

Hope to seek just one thing,
to have none other than just one other.
A trust and such love,
As only friends could have.

Thus to conclude such dark times,
It has been fun dreaming,
But if least that dream becomes reality,
Then all that remains is acts of frivolity.

Superficial Faker-ism

2005-07-31T11:21:00.000-07:00

Superficial faker-ism is a term that I use to describe people who aren't being themselves. Of course that being said, and knowing how sensitive my friends could be, it ain't about you, you or you! Just a simple expressive post about people who cannot be themselves and always mask on others identity. Sadly though, I still struggle with this issue.

Say there's this person who happened to set his eyes on a girl who is all cultured and sophisticated, through experience that I've encountered, that guy was surely going all out to win the girls heart. So what does he do?

Dress up in DKNY suits.
Prefer coffee to coke.
Smokes a cigar to cigarrettes.
If that's not all that bad, he'll even leave behind his love for punk rock and embrace the newfound journey of jazz music. I mean how superficially fake can that be?!

Take myself for an example, most of the people around me always sort of have an idea that I would be this really loud, confident( a tad egoistic actually ), and directive sort of person. But you know what, I am the exact opposite of that. I am shy, I have very little confident about myself and I am almost for certain that I am indecisive. I mean we're not even talking about nick going after a girl and altering his personality to fit the girl, but just nick being merely in the presence of friends.

It scares me to know that I have buried my real persona in order to take on someone else's individuality. Sigh.

Good news would be that my shy appearance has appeared again and that my confidence although not much would suffice in telling myself that I am perfect just being the way I am.
I'm just going to be myself.

So long you confident arrogant and smooth talker with the babes kind.
Hello, you shy, quiet demure fellow.

My head hurts on a Sunday afternoon

2005-07-31T01:50:00.000-07:00

One shouldn't sleep on a hot Sunday afternoon because that's certainly going to bring about a terrible headache equivalent to the ones when you're pissed drunk. Ouchies.

I will clear up my head by jogging. Will meet Justin, Jial, Ray and whomever I see on the streets that looks decent enough to be picked up. Toodles.

Dysfuntional Mumbles.

2005-07-30T10:53:00.000-07:00

The stage is set.

Lights on.

Director cued 'Action'.

Then... quickly as it started, the end came.

What transpired between time, I never knew.

I dressed my part, and I played my part.

All thats left is critique and voices whispering.

Things that I care not, I left behind.

But I am content to find my place and reasons.

And it's not between one 'click' and two 'snaps'.

Pardon e moi. I have not a clue what was written above. Guess it does have some implicit meanings to it, yet still it's one of those things that sounds alright but absolutely has no meaning whatsoever. I should know, I wrote it!

Things that I need

2005-07-30T01:49:00.000-07:00

Ten Things that I need to revamp my lifestyle. It's getting terribly old you know.

1. New wardrobe. I'm a 22 year old guy and I have too many hand-me-downs. Not that I'm an ingrate, but the clothes, oh gosh. Help me. Its horrible!! I need a new stylish wardrobe. Something that suits me well.

2. I need to build up my tummy. It's slipping back into the fatness abyss of doom! Need to run and do crunches.

3. I need to have a room make over. I need to shop in furniture stores to get a stylish computer desk and a stylish seat to match.

4. My room needs a color treatment. I am thinking crimson red stripes amongst the green. I love bright vibrant screaming colors. I would like to paint my celing as well and get a mural grafitti feel to it or get it to have some texture.

5. I need to have proper pillows and bedsheet as well.

6. I resolute to read more novels and books in general.

7. Dress right, eat right, speak right and I'll live right.

8. I can't think of anything more. Oh yeah, coffee outside my door every morning is cool. Very cultured.

9. I really cannot think anymore.. Helppp!!!

10. *dead* slashed by Justin.

I need to stop watching shows like Queer Eye. It's bad bad bad.

Random Updates

2005-07-29T10:55:00.000-07:00

It was an interesting week, I did mostly a lot of things with my bunch of friends. Namely almost daily lunches with tsuen and justin.

On Wednesday, I had an interview in town and that went quite well too, I really hope they pay me at least RM 2,000.

Thursday was a whole day of walking, talking and shopping in Sg. Wang. Although I didn't buy anything but I had a good time walking and talking and tagging along. I'm still happy that I manage to get myself a shoe from Polo Ralph Lauren.

I guess the reason why I don't spend much in shopping is because I really would like to earn my keeps before I really shop.

One day, when I am so beyond rich, then I will shop without guilt and I shall savor every moment of it. For now, shopping will just have to be done in a much smaller scale and at a controlled rate.

Otherwise, I know that I would spend all my 'moolahs' on things that I don't really need.

Hmm, time to sleep. Will be spending much quality moments with my family in Mont Kiara Sunrise Jazz Festival by Heineken!

Free advertisment! Wheeeee

Reality Dreams

2005-07-24T19:35:00.000-07:00

I was startled to find myself in my room, staring at the ceiling and listening to the voice of my insistent mother that I should wake up and took care of the house.

I had a horrible sleepless night, dreaming of all kinds of dreams. Two in particular strucked me odd and involves very much the people around me. This entire dream narratted my past nature and brought forth pangs of guilt.

The second dream however cured my nightmares headache and placed me back on reality. In any case, I still prefered the second dream.

I am at this moment comtemplating if I should reveal the general plot of the dreams or shall I just keep it to my own sweet head..

10 Dating Ettiquette rules for Single Desperate Men

2005-07-23T01:11:00.000-07:00

As I've given Justin lessons on Gentleman's Ettiquette on dates, I shall be willing to share some. Although in truth, I don't practice much of it. Hehe.

1. Never be late.
That is not a good sign to the ladies. Please be reminded to ring the door bell, not miss call her mobile. If she stay at an apartment, knocking gently on the door shows courtesy and gentle-respect for the neighbours, however banging down her door would probalbly not work well.

2. Always escort the lady from the door into the car.
Gentleman, please note that the keyword here is 'gentle escort'. Not shoving her into the car. Finesse people, finesse.

3. A gentle whisper of a unique compliment to her earside is always a good practice.
(note: Its a single whisper and a single compliment, so find something amusing or really unique to say. If all else fail, compliment the hair. It always works. Whispering is not taking advantage of another person, it's merely bridging the gap between two hearts. Its asking her to trust you with the closeness without verbal exchange.)

4. Ladies gets everything first.
So usher her into the car first. Sit her down first. Everything that you do, she'll be first.

5. The lady likes a man who can take charge.
This starts the moment you are in front of her doors until the time you send her back. Anything and everything within this period of time, take charge. Don't suggest a place and wait for her response, kindly inform her that you'd be dining french or spanish. Best yet, just surprise her. Order for her, ladies like comfort food. Food that they can identify. Frog's leg therefore are an absolute no-no.

6. Sit up straight and pay attention to her and her alone.
Its your special night, nothing else around you exist, everything is in those eyes. Look deep and look attentive. If you find it hard to concentrate on her eyes, then rotate to her eyebrows, her nose, her lips. Anything below the neck is the forbidden zone. Sit up straight, elbows off the table. No handphone permitted. Pay absolute attention.

7. The night is young, dancing and music is a good idea.
Gently rise up from your chair, walk to her side, extend your hand and ask her for a dance. Gently lift her up and lead her to the dance floor. Jazz and moodsetters are good, rock and trance are not. Best is if you get a fat italian man playing the accordian. That's absolutely blissful to your environment.

8. A single rose says you're casual and nice, A carful of rose on a first date would likely scare her off. The keyword is thoughtfulness.

9. Involve her participation.
It takes two for a date, make her count. There's a time for you to speak and there is a time for her response. Listen to her words. If you are nervous, Grace says to write down on a piece of paper the topic that you should wish to talk about, but be sure that it isn't a heavy heated discussion about the current political affairs. That includes dota-talk and discussing who's noobie ass you pwned the night before.

10. (Optional) A gentle kiss on the hand is surreal but nice, a full french tongue with her is nightmare.
A gentle kiss on the hand says you respect her as a lady and denotes a gentle finish to the night.

Hope you enjoy the 10 Dating Ettiquette rules for Single Desperate Men. Stems from experience and not some online site. Everything I say, I have tried before. Ahaha.

Anger Issues of Some Hearts.

2005-07-21T11:03:00.000-07:00

You know, I never really understood how people can hold on to anger like their life depend on it. Of course I have been angry in the past, but I realise that false pretense at being mature and understanding anger is simply not enough to drive out years of pent-up frustration and worked up emotion of the follies and hurt that others have dealt.

Sad indeed that I have gone and visited a site of a loved one today and yet having been faithfully visiting it for so long, I realised that nothing's changed since the very first time that we've met. She held on to her anger and to her past as if it were her supply of daily air.

I pray that she would wake up one day and learn to forgive and let God take control. As I have witnessed firsthand, the heart is definitely free and rid of painful hurting words stored waiting to be released.

In short, I love my life now and hanging out with friend's like Wai, Tsuen and Justin has brought a lot of rather fulfilling memories to be stored in this fresh clean heart of mine.

Thanks Tsuen for remembering my birthday and getting them to celebrate for me. Wai for your undying trust and dedication to see me through my darkest times and for your undivided eyes that is casted upon me. Justin for being the little kid brother that I never did have and sharing wonderful secrets with me.

To the many more that I do not name, it is not that your name is not important to me.

Nay, your face and contribution of love and friendship will always be with me should you part with me when such day should arrive.

Amour,
Nick

Chivalry

2005-07-20T21:13:00.000-07:00

I found some intriguing topics on Justin's blog regarding chivalrous behaviour. Most would have thought that chivalry is an act of appropriate gentlemanly behaviour towards the female kind, but here again, being in courts of old fashion begs to differ to the perception of chivalry.

Chivalry was a way of life, a code of conduct for all knights of the old kingdoms. The term came from the French word chevalerie - in translation means knight. Modern English denotes that chivalry should be about the ideals, virtues and the knights characteristic.

French author Leon Gautier pronounce the Ten Commandments of the Codes of Chivalry.

Thou shalt believe all that the Church teaches, and shalt observe all its directions.
Thou shalt defend the Church.
Thou shalt respect all weaknesses, and shalt constitute thyself the defender of them.
Thou shalt love the country in the which thou wast born.
Thou shalt not recoil before thine enemy.
Thou shalt make war against the Infidel without cessation, and without mercy.
Thou shalt perform scrupulously thy feudal duties, if they be not contrary to the laws of God.
Thou shalt never lie, and shall remain faithful to thy pledged word.
Thou shalt be generous, and give largess to everyone.
Thou shalt be everywhere and always the champion of the Right and the Good against Injustice and Evil.

Therefore ladies, its not so much about the opening of doors, or the pulling of chairs, or even the famous chivalrous phrase - ladies first. It's an entire code of conduct a man must follow in order to be chivalrous. So ladies, do beware of fake chivalry done on behalf of a good impression upon you instead of being held as a virtue and value of his life.

Gentleman, please read the following commandments and try your best to be a knight in shining armour. That armour will shine the moment you make it a life lesson to be keeping these ten good little lessons instead of picking your teeth in front of the ladies. The rest of this would fall in nicely around the values that you hold steadfast.

Hope you like my little lesson of chivalrous conduct and behaviour. I'm at wits end and trying my best to come up with any nonsense just to keep this site from turning into my grave.

Amour,
Nick

NiCk - nAcK PoEmS

2005-07-20T11:36:00.000-07:00

Rotund edge o' the wheel of time.
Finds this heart lonely and bare.
To find a person that's to share.
It wouldn't be that of a 'Claire'.

The woman I seek holds values true.
Never in her soul, an ounce of shrew.
To see her smile, to talk to her a pleasure,
to know in depth, she's without rue.

Pure of heart in love and joy.
Seeks thy Lord in fervent prayer.
A lady she must be in long simple hair.
No great loss should she be not fair.

To have met her - an honor.
To love her - a passion.
To treat her - a joy.
To lay eyes on her - heaven sent.

Justin : See not too melancholic wert! Hahaha. Nice little poem with lots of hiddent meaning for you to decipher!

Just bored after a night of dota with the boys, so the poem just fell out of my chest!

Gosh I'm so melodramatic!

2005-07-18T21:07:00.000-07:00

This post is dedicated to someone that I happened to piss off late last night. So it seems that since I won't be seeing you for some time, there's no way to make it up to you but to say sorry. Just like the old fashion way, I'll type 50 times "I'm sorry"! Tedious work but I'm sincere *sincere honest eyes*

So here goes!

I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.I am sorry.

There you go 50 times I am sorry! Oh you know who you are!

Hope you'd forgive meeeeee...Soweeee

Blinks*

Jason's 22nd Surprise Party!!!

2005-07-12T12:12:00.000-07:00

It was Jason's birthday today and we had a surprised for him. Up til the moment we sprang that surprise on him, he had absolutely no idea what was going to happen. He still thinks that he and Shu Fen was going to have dinner at Chili's.

So off we went to intercept them from having their dinner at Chili's. When we told him that we're going for steamboat after surprising him there, you could see that he was in a little state of shock for a moment.

Anyway, everything went according to plans and yes mate, you got punked!

Its rather nice to be able to surprise someone effectively.

I promise you photos to come, once I get it from JiaLin and Julian. So send me the pictures, please.

Happy 22nd Jason, may you find many joy and happiness.

Take care old friend!

Adieu!

Weird dreams

2005-07-12T00:08:00.000-07:00

Some time back, all my dreams were nightmares. Every picture painted was tainted with fear and blood. I did what I knew best, to run every night til the morning comes and rescue me from my dreams.

But of late, dreams that fills my mind were pictures and scenes of my friends. In particular terms "female friends".

A nice example, last night I dreamt of my jie jie. Yes I miss my jie jie very much. She and I go way back to secondary school and she has since been my jie jie who loves me so much. I wish I could spend some time with her, but that is seemingly impossible. She's quite a busy woman in her company, constantly required to run in and out of the office.

Anyway, I really wonder if this was good for me, to be dreaming such dreams every night. Seems as though that every night it's a different female. Rest assured, there's nothing horrendous or shameful that I did to the females in my dreams. I just dream of them that's all.

Hmm..

Dreams vs Nightmares.

I prefer dreams.

Shyguy wears undies!Gotcha attention!

2005-07-10T21:28:00.000-07:00

It's a revelation!

I thought I was out and over being this shy guy that I was with girls. I thought that period was over. I thought I was generally better now.

Oh heck who am I kidding. I'm as shy and bashful as ever! Just like when I was in Std. 6.

Oh gosh, when will I pick up the phone and give it a try and holla. Perhaps I'll be lucky that she'll hollaback at me.

Perhaps.

But I'm shy... acks..!

HELPPP!

Stepping down...

2005-07-10T07:20:00.000-07:00

Guess what I stepped on just now..

I was on my way to get a laundry basket and thought I'd be a good boy and clean up my messy room and throw my worn undies and shirts into the basket. I opened the door to my laundry area, and *Squeak*~~~

lo and behold, I stepped on a freaking frog! Almost killed it. But good thing it was still alive.

Jason would now cringe in his seat, seemingly he can imagine how gross that must have felt!

Sunday morning Rambles!

2005-07-09T18:54:00.000-07:00

Soemone once said, "The shortest distance between two heart, is love."

I think in my version I'll say " The shortest distance between two heart, is laughter"

Nothing builds two people up quite like having a good laugh about things. I realised that. Ever wonder why young couples had so much fun in their life, and 'old soul' always look like their loved ones just passed away.

It's the thrill of having another close to you. It's a fresh new feeling and emotion. It's exciting and hilarious. All objectivity and planning are non - existant or at least planned only for the next 2 days on where you would like to eat or where else to visit.

I love the initial stages of courtship, for it is fun and inviting.

*reads above article*

Oh gosh, I think I just rambled about something again. Grr.

Anyway, I think my idle mind has find it hard to blog something humourous. Doesn't matter much, I'll be hanging with Jo later. Going to have some fun, "kai kai".

Oh, come on people, help me out a bit, what do you think I should blog about? Write your thoughts in my comments section and I'll do the blogging for it. Make sure its something interesting!

I'm running out of blogging "juice" . Give some ideas dude/duddettes!

2005-07-08T02:27:00.000-07:00

The drilling in my house is driving me up the walls! Yet I'm still grateful that they had the courtesy to come after lunch hours. I would be so far up the wall if they had arrived early this morning.

I'm still trying to figure out how to edit that photo. Anyone who's a pro-user of Adobe Photoshop, could you kindly just point out to me how do I insert text into a picture. It would be so lovely if you could help me out. Thank you.

Some Good Shit!

2005-07-07T20:37:00.000-07:00

My brain is dead. I am just not thinking like I used to, or perhaps I never did think at all. Haha.

Right, now let me see what have I done for the past few days. OoOh, now I remember! I went genting with a bunch of friends. Went to Ivan, the Phoons, Wai, Justin, Tsuen and Iris. We had no agenda but still had a great lunch and a great time. Ate at Jalan Ipoh Yong Tau Foo. When I was staying in KL, I never went there to dine, usually I just drive all the way down to PJ to find my friends for a drink. But somehow, now that I stay in PJ, I find myself frequenting KL more and more often. hmmz.

Anyway, we just took loads of photos and they're mostly on
Iris's blog.

Had some Starbucks and just enjoy the wind and the company. There was one question that they asked during lunch that everyone managed to answer it except me. I was pondering and wondering about the answer. Tough question indeed.

"When was the best days of your life?"

Honestly, it's definitely not in the past 3 years. It's been quite the hell-ride for myself. But nonetheless, if I had to answer that, I guess it is now, it is today. For what more could a man ask for when he has excellent company, faboulous food and experiencing a bond of 8 friends together. I'll not trade it for anything in this world. Love my friends and my life now!

Oh yeah, last night was quite an event as well. Ended up in Starlight Cinema with Jason, Ashlin, Nisha and Ian (Ashlin's cousin). We had a good time catching with all the jokes and the life of each other. The movie was crap but once again made better with good weather, good drinks and fabulous company.

Nisha's rapid machine-gun speeches was hard to catch and Ian's accent is even worst. But oh yea, Tsuen, Ian's really good looking. Too bad you didn't go. He's really good looking. *rub it in*

Anyway had a good week. Looking forward to more! Wow I managed to compress one whole week into such a short post.

Either my English is horrendous and I ran out of words to post or my life is really mundane. haha.

Poetic Nurturement Needed.

2005-07-05T19:27:00.000-07:00

Fields grains of sand,
Paint the illusion of time,
Swirling circles dephts of mind.
No Reason, no rhyme.

Wonders why at this moment,
So alluring yet so wrong,
Yet so invitingly strong,
Is there a future procurement?

*refuses to be poetic anymore*
*too confused*

I think Peter Cetera sang quite a number of meaningful song. For you ignoramus out there, Peter Cetera is the lead singer of Chicago. The following is a meaningful verse that reminds me that no matter where I run to or who I am at the moment, if love's meant to be with these two hearts, it will come back to you. No matter what you do, one can never escape it.

After All the stops and starts
We keep coming back to these two hearts
Two angels who've been rescued from the fall
After All that we've been through
It all comes down to me and you
I guess it's meant to be
Forever you and me, After All
Always just beyond my touch
You know I needed you so much
After All, what else is livin' for?

Joey G

2005-07-05T05:42:00.000-07:00

I went to Kiara Park with Jia Lin, Justin and Tsuen. We obviously didn't jog at all but took loads of photos in which when I have the time I will post it up. I went to great lenghts to search for Joey G's picture.

Tsuen, this is your man!

'We' are strange beings....Indeed.

2005-07-04T10:11:00.000-07:00

Mankind are strange being. Notably that the object will inflict pain, tremendous amount of pain and given that the knowledge and there was a prompting to NOT do so, yet we often find ourselves set on the object. Either we look longingly after it, or we try to manipulate our ways to get what we really want.

Again mankind are strange creatures. They have happiness in front of their eyes, and life is so much better for them without these objects of pain and yet a man cannot be satisfied or be reminded to live unless he feels that pain. How queer indeed.

It is as if a man feels his existence marked not by the bountiful of happiness but only by the amount of pain inflicted. It is like a definition of his life. This may or may not be true to all, but to most, it speaks clearly to what we feel in our heart. It is to an extend true that we are most alive and awake when we are in pain. We know life is real. Sufferings are real. The pain in a man's life makes all of those turn from an illusions of the mind to the truth at hand.

Tragic.

How foolish man can be, when the destruction of his world began in his heart. Foolish indeed.

I marked my nighttoday,
Insistent on the pain I had,
To leave not my love and legacy,
But only a minutes sad.

Though I smile indeed,
Yet for most, I'm foolish,
To trick the others,
Yet trick no one else.

By time of noon tommorow,
The pain will wash away,
Leaving me to ponder,
When is the next sway.

Sometimes I seek to wonder,
If indeed it was mine,
Why then do I now ponder,
Those that was in decline.

I have much to life for,
Much more to stay on life,
Yet one day I'll find,
What I seek not at night.

Cheery Peaceful Days

2005-07-02T02:00:00.000-07:00

Woke up to the sound of peacefulness, the calm voices of morning birds. While watching the swaying trees absorbing the morning rays. This is sanity to my soul. This is calmness in every sense. I see squirrels hunting for food, I feel the earth on my feet. Today shall be a good day.

Away in an automobile we shall go, to yonders and past. Stopping for nothing, chasing for triumph of winning glories. Yes, indeed it is. We have arrived at "Cheers 2005"

Today was Huei Yuih's big day, the moment of truth. Blitzerz was just simply astounding. I think they stand a chance to compete well this year. Now, I'm not saying that the other teams were really lousy or did no good at the competition. I guess, to an extent I have a lot of faith in her team. She really made a cheerleader out of me.

While the guys were busy ogling which girl was better, Huei Tsuen was drooling over Joey G. I have to admit though, he's really hot. I meant sizzling hot and I am not GAY for saying that. It's a fact.

Anyway, hope Huei Yuih does her best and may her team be victorious!

Go Blitzerz Go. B-L-I-T-Z-E-R-Z. Blitzerz!!!!

-now lemme see. where's my cheerleading uniform?-

Colors of Emotional Pangs

2005-06-30T05:30:00.000-07:00

Few colors of emotions,
Few paint of life,
Angry man paints redness in his eyes that burns,
Passionate lovers paints crimson au paire,
Envious siblings sees the greens of sludge,
hearts neither soft nor budge.
When I wish I could see,
I wish not see colors no more,
May my world be black and bleak,
At least I live in emotional peace.

Just came home from another one of my late night trips out to have a drink and some food with the boys. They're quite right, it's fast becoming a gay party. We need to fill our lives with girls, or rather emotional colors. But for now, my bed beckons and I still have to support huei yuih tommorow. Hope she does well. All the best huei yuih!

Shining my light at night.

2005-06-30T00:27:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had one of those situations in which you can't get out of and you're stucked to shine on lovebirds? I have had plenty of those. Guess what, I think I am about to shine again tonight. Sigh....

Lightbulb-me is shining brighter than ever. I'll just flare out my radiance til the lovebirds turn blind. Don't really enjoy these situations. I wonder why...

I need to find my own bird.

Barren soul and heart,
grows cold and yonder.
Yearning upon one,
day,month,year.
Just one.

For now I wait.
For now I rest.
Neither wanting nor seeking.
Just hoping, maybe something,
on nothing.

Marques de douleur qui vous sentez vivant.
Marques de l'amour que vous flotterez.

Julia Ormond

2005-06-28T20:59:00.000-07:00

I slept quite late last night after watching a really old classic called Sabrina. The leading lady was just so indescribable. She played her character with elegance and poise that few actress could have done so these days. I'm absolutely captured by her stage presence. Her name is Julia Ormond.

She doesn't have the usual sexed-up qualities you most often see in young actress. She has that breathtaking elegance around her.

One of the very few movies she has been involved.

Harrison Ford was the leading actor in the film Sabrina. Julia prefers to have less make-up. Her face still shines. She has natural beauty that's so hard to find these days.

In her cover photo shoot of Maxim magazine. Revealed nothing sensuous about herself in clothings and yet still as captivating as ever. That goes to show, less doesn't always means more! She's preety!

2005-06-28T06:04:00.000-07:00

Doesn't this just reminds you of Smallies and Joces? We're sooo cuute!

Scary Bugs and Morbid Dreams

2005-06-27T21:36:00.000-07:00

I had a horrible sleep last night. There was this huge, and I mean huuuuge bug that came into my room and chased me out of my own room. How dare it! It's my room after all! Anyway, after a gruelling battle that lasted me an hour of door slaming and spraying insect repellent, I managed to trap that little dude in the bathroom! Prison sentence for it! Serves it right! Now it is lying 3/4 dead in my bath area, I think the poor old dear died from my sprays.

On a separate note, these few nights, I kept having awful dream about my dad leaving us - permanently. I may not be close to my dad, but I think of all the dads in this world- I won't trade him for any of them! He's mine!

I think my dad is a swell dude above the rest and he takes after my grandfather so vividly, not to mention "I love me grandad!" He ages gracefully and still hae that aristrocat's charisma and features. I would love to measure up to half of him when I'm his age. He always knows the right thing to do in tight situation. I really admire him for his peacefulness and his inner strenght, not to mention he is a huge charity person. He donates mostly to me!

Just love that old man, hope my dreams would just remain dreams and nothing else. I already have too much shit in my life. Sigh. Love you pops!

Au Revoir!
Monsieur Nicholas

In the fogs of a hateful mind.

2005-06-27T05:52:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I really wonder where's the compassion and the grace to forgive in this world. Why must everyone be so spiteful. Why can't we forgive another and love one another? Does this mean that a man who had made his mistake knowingly or unknowingly has no return? Is he doomed for his lifetime?

Trust me, I turned a few left turns in my life and ended up in places I wished and hoped that I didn't, but there isn't a choice. I am there at those places, in that situation. I admit to my mistakes very blatantly. Yet, I'm just being held there, I get no return ticket, I get no consequences. Just being left to be reminded of my guilt and shame.

I'm on this train, yes it is moving forward, life is getting by and yet it is in circles. I'm being held there by you. Can't you let me go. You have your victory and should be happy with your prize. Let me leave with or without my dignity. Just let me leave. Forget me and forgive me. Let me leave. Have this much compasion.

In the sands of time

2005-06-27T05:30:00.000-07:00

In the sands of time,
you turn to hate,
you found love,
yet you know not both.

You thought you wanted one;
or another to go,
yet you knew not which;
in your little dark soul.

Wake up! Think,
If its one or the other,
pray you tell,
if not, think more I'd say.

Yes! Terribly wrong I was,
With shameful guilt I admit;
But nothing could erase,
that which I did in your mind.

In the sands of time,
bring me back to the days before;
to learn my mistakes and treat you right.
but alas it could not be done.

Three souls,
one past, one present, one future;
One loved, one empty.
Twice happy, once sad.

Just let me go,
I wished you'd be in content,
I really do, I sure do,
Just be happy, but let me go..

This hearts a lonely space.

2005-06-24T20:15:00.000-07:00

This heart's a lonely space,
few have seen.
Both pain and pleasure,
I have been.

In the midst of insanity,
crippled and maimed.
Yet I feel intuitively,
no one to be blamed.

In this garden,
rest to my past,
birds singing my future,
and flowers blooms of my current love.

Nothing!
Could ever thirst me,
Nor ever rip me apart.
Only love shall fill this empty space.
Neither hatreds nor regrets,
to have say.

Tsuen and Me

2005-06-24T19:42:00.000-07:00

Just a photo of our rock climbing adventure. The rest could be viewed at Iris' page. Have a nice day.

Climbing Perserverance

2005-06-24T02:44:00.000-07:00

Well this is my first entry and hopefully I won't be lazy to update it.

Wai, Ivan, Tsuen, Justin, Iris, Julian, Myself and Julian's two friends went rock climbing in the old climbing gym at Summit Shopping Center. Believe me when I say, I am humble to admit that I cannot climb. Not if ever my life depends on it. I keep falling and giving up.

But you know what, I am pretty proud to say that at least I tried. Although I gave up reaching for one more stone to push myself up but I never gave up trying despite my fear of heights. I still went after a short break and attempt to have another go. *beams proudly*

I guess in life you have just got to keep trying. It doesn't matter how many times you failed to go on, but not giving up to climb is the biggest reward. It is also quite true and I realised that if I had looked up instead of down most of the time, I would not have feared height at all.

Same goes for life, plenty of 'shit' happens but life still goes on. Hurts and regrets leave them behind and look on, I'm sure in time something will crop up for you to have fun and rejoice about.

Anyway gtg, leave some love ppl.

Au revoir,
le jardin de l'amour.